Are you struggling to find a Christmas present for a loved one or friend who works in public relations?
Are you part of a PR team, looking for a last-minute treat for yourself or a colleague?
Don’t worry. The Chalkstream Communications elves* have been busy rummaging though the internet’s bargain basements to bring you the definitive ‘Top Ten PR Presents’.
1. The Wrong Miliband – Hilarious 2009 board game in which you play a party political press officer convinced that you are working for the wrong Miliband. The aim of the game is to swap Milibands before the next Labour Party Conference. The winner is the player who works the longest hours.
2. Stunt in a Box – Handy pop-up PR stunt in a box. Comes complete with tired photographer, news agency contact list, accident insurance and back-up plan. Does not include batteries.
3. Honey I Shrunk The Client – Hilarious (etc.) family movie in which husband and wife PR agency directors discover that the recession has left them with a roster of very small clients. Follow-up to the wacky ‘Honey I Shrunk the Budget I, II and III’. Not suitable for children. Or the financially illiterate.
4. The Loneliness of A.V.E. – Psychological sci-fi thriller set in Barcelona, in which Detective Inspector Meltwater attempts to piece together the last hours of missing illusionist Anastacia Val-Equivé, whose entire life appears to have been built around an elaborate deception. Now available on Kindle. (Translated from the Spanish).**
5. Swear This – The ultimate guide to swearing on social media, written by a panel of talented but equally profane national newspaper columnists, who mistakenly believe their parents don’t read Twitter.
6. The Social Media Measurement Toolkit (for Beginners) – Including shatterproof Perspex ruler, stopwatch, beaker, conversion chart, spotters’ guide and safety gloves. First released in 2001.
7. Mendelow modelling kit – Build your own Mendelow model from scratch! Tackle the tricky task of balancing stakeholders to create a tower of influence. Watch the whole lot come crashing down in a crisis.
8. Parlez-vous PR? – 2009 edition of the best-selling international guide. Extremely useful for explaining to friends and family what you do all day. Not available in French. Published by Haymarché.
9. Flack Jacket – Women and Men’s winter season quilted jacket made from distressed leather. Includes six handy hidden pockets (for mobile devices, keys, spare shoes, rescue remedy, tablet, eau de toilette, emergency Filofax, Stunt in a Box etc), enameled brass under-arm ventilators and homing beacon. Comes in pink or black.
10. The Everlasting Notepad – Ingenious new tablet device which converts the spoken word into 120wpm shorthand, legible only to the user. The faster you speak, the smaller the writing. For legal reasons all notes are deleted after three years. (Only admissible as evidence in The People’s Republic of China).
Or you could donate a few quid to Crisis at Christmas, which helps provide support for homeless people during the Christmas period.***
Ho ho ho.
*All Chalkstream Communications Elf Interns are paid. In fairy dust.
**Apologies for the cliquish and nerdy nature of this joke. For PR purists only.
***Yes, this is the only part of this post to be taken seriously. Merry Christmas.